PETER JACKSON (DIRECTOR)
Who else preferred Peter Jackson when he was fat and jolly and we could all make ‘Lord of the Onion Rings’ jokes? Did you know that Return of the King won 11 Academy Awards including, inexplicably, Best Adapted Screenplay? Anybody out there who really thinks it deserved them? I hate to say it but Peter Jackson isn’t the genius the world seems to have convinced themselves he is. Granted, he has an almost unparallel sense of spectacle and he’s generally pretty nifty with action, but most of Jackson’s films are patchy as fuck. Before you all bloody start sending in hate mail and death threats, take another look at the title of this column. I’m not saying he’s shit. I like the guy and think he’s ok, but Peter Jackson is definitely overrated.
I have a friend who insists Scarface is better than Goodfellas. Wrong again, Adrian Pattinson. Al Pacino (who’ll probably grace this column sometime very soon) as a Cuban, eh? Surely there’s no way that would be stupid. Every time Scarface starts heading in the right direction, Al Pacino opens his mouth and ruins everything with his silly accent and his yelling. Also his best friend looks like James Franco spliced with a chocolate bar. Which leads me to….
JAMES FRANCO (ACTOR)
Do you like performances where the actor looks really confused and talks in a monotone voice? Then James Franco is for you, my friend! He’s almost the worst thing about Spider-Man 3, and that’s really getting personal. I did like that scene in Freaks and Geeks when he played Dungeons & Dragons with the Geeks, and I didn’t think he was too bad in Pineapple Express until I realised he’s actually probably that dazed and confused in real life. People defend James Franco because apparently he does heaps of shit like go to college. I heard he got one of his professors fired after receiving a bad mark. I don’t know if either of these things are true, but I’m more than happy to believe the second one without any proof whatsoever, because James Franco’s face annoys me so much.