When a writer-director makes a film that is too close to their heart, it can be really off-putting. Oh, a movie that’s too close to them because it involves a social cause they believe in, or a personal tragedy, or a disease that has impacted their family – those might not be great films, but at least they don’t leave a bad taste in your mouth. When the issue is something petty that makes them protest too much, it’s a truly bad look.

Jon Favreau made such a film when he made Chef, a screed against the film critics who hadn’t liked his film Cowboys & Aliens. (If you thought you liked Chef as a quiet little story about a man exploring his culinary dreams, go back and watch it through the lens of Favreau’s bitterness toward critics and you will come away with a different opinion entirely.) Now Jonah Hill has made an angry film about celebrity apologies and cancel culture called Outcome, and he has taken one of Hollywood’s most beloved stars down with him. And if you’re wondering what prompted this in Hill, just remember how he was raked over the coals for private messages to his then-girlfriend, which Hill wants to blame on someone, anyone, other than himself.

The beloved star of this film is Keanu Reeves, who plays beloved movie star Reef Hawk. The similar name should tell you this is supposed to be a version of Reeves. Hawk is not only one of the world’s biggest stars, having appeared in three immensely popular film series (Reeves also has three), but he’s also won two Oscars (Reeves is still looking for his first).

Yet the thing that’s supposed to make us recognise this as Reeves is that his fans truly have him on a pedestal, such that when you google him, you can only find stories of his legendary kindness. The real Keanu Reeves has been featured in more positive anecdotes than perhaps any other star out there, and we subsequently all have glowing opinions of him. As just one example of what supposedly makes Reeves great, we’ve learned that he makes sure his hand is visible any time he takes a photo with a fan, or any woman for that matter, so no one can accuse him of having used the unseen hand for groping.

While that does, on some level, indicate he’s a good guy, it also suggests he’s paranoid. And that’s really the version of “Reeves” we get here, as Hawk freaks out when his two besties/hangers on/assistants (played by Cameron Diaz and Matt Bomer) drop casual comments in the presence of the crew he’s hanging out with on set, that he thinks might implicate him. What if the crew misinterprets something and it gets on the internet?

Turns out, Hawk might have something to apologise for. He’s returning after a five-year hiatus that involved a trip to rehab, though the movie doesn’t make it clear how much the public knows. As part of his sobriety, he needs to make amends with a number of people he wronged, notably these two, as well as Hawk’s original agent, Richie “Red” Rodriguez (played, unfortunately, by Martin Scorsese). Getting to the bottom of who needs the apology is going to be Hawk’s focus in the short term, because someone is blackmailing him with the release of a video that might cancel him – at least according to his “crisis lawyer,” Ira Stiltz (Hill).

If Hill the writer-director were not the embodiment of why Outcome doesn’t work, Hill the kooky “crisis lawyer” definitely would be. Hill’s constructed here a Hollywood type who is just as grotesque as Tom Cruise’s Les Grossman from Tropic Thunder, only the big difference is that he’s not funny. At all. And boy is Hill trying to be funny, with his bald head and curly Brillo pad beard. It’s painful to watch him trot out this Hollywood insider shtick that involves him gesticulating wildly and trying to own the room, because it just feels desperate and sad. Making the whole thing even more uncanny is that the camera captures him in extreme close-up most of the time. Hill has made some good (Mid-90s) and at least passable (You People) films, so it doesn’t seem like his instincts are abandoning him – more like he’s going for something that just falls completely flat, leaving us feeling embarrassed for him. Then again, the constant shade of sickly orange lighting does raise some questions about his technical fitness for the job.

Reeves is not bad in the role, but his character is poorly conceived. There’s a disconnect between the fans’ love for him and the fact that he apparently treats people abominably in private, because we never see any of this side of Reef Hawk in Outcome. We just have to take the film’s word for it, which is a problem when it’s already failed to establish itself as trustworthy. It’s hard to say whether this is Reeves trying to get out some things close to his own heart, about the suffocation he feels at the fans’ attention, or if it’s just another job. But if so, that itself is something most of us don’t want to know about. We’re happy with the Reeves we have on a pedestal, so if he’s secretly triggered by flashbulbs and other clichéd signs of paparazzi and fan attention, maybe he just needs to keep it to himself, as that’s not a very original complaint anyway.

The less said about Martin Scorsese, the better. He’s obviously happy enough to do a favour for Hill after casting him in The Wolf of Wall Street, but that favour boomerangs back and makes it seem like Scorsese, at age 83, has some great unfulfilled aspirations to really be an actor. He’s going down on the same sinking ship as Hill and Reeves.

Perhaps the strangest thing about Outcome is its extreme brevity. Solidifying the notion that Hill doesn’t have much more in his head than these thin ruminations about cancel culture, the movie is only 83 minutes long. And the credits start at about 73 minutes, played at about half speed just to stretch this thing out. Outcome is something Jonah Hill should have written down on a piece of paper to get it out of his system, then crumpled up and thrown in the bin. He should never have filmed it.

 

Outcome is currently streaming on AppleTV+.