We’re about to dabble into the pond of the unconventional bad friend – the one that you may enjoy watching from your couch, but should this character be sitting on said couch beside you, you might have very different opinions. We might step on some toes, but we’re goin’ there.
Dewey Finn (Jack Black in School of Rock)
Dude, you take my job, steal my identity and openly insult my frigid bitch girlfriend. And this is all after I cover your butt when it comes to paying rent. Not cool. Your freeloader ways are not welcome here.
Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence in The Hunger Games)
Girl, I know, you’re talented and you have a big heart, but I’m sorry, I just think it’d be for the best if you took your friendship to a place that will not be (spoiler alert) burnt to a lifeless crisp, leaving me homeless and without family. I mean, call me insensitive, but you dear girl are just a pretty little package of despair. Oh, and your intensity can be such a buzz kill.
I’m sure you understand.
Seth (Jonah Hill in Superbad)
Ok pal, your vulgar mouth is funny for the most part, but you just need to chill out. Also, you bullied McLovin, dude?! What?! McLovin’ is quite possibly the best human being and I judge you for not recognizing that. Lastly, your invention of the word “cameltail” and obsession over dicks is concerning. You should talk to someone about that.
Ted (Seth MacFarlane in Ted)
Aside from co-writing an amazingly inappropriate song dedicated to the weather, Ted would be the worst best friend. First off, don’t let the movie fool you; having a teddy bear for a best friend would certainly NOT land you a girl like Lori. Sorry, it won’t. Really just dating anyone would be a mission. Actually, having just friends in general would be a challenging task. I feel like it’s pretty safe to say that having a teddy bear for a best friend would ruin just about all chances of having a healthy social life. And don’t try a justify this with “but he talks!” Be honest with yourself here. You know I’m right. Call me traditional, but I feel like humans are a good genre of individuals to choose from when picking a best friend.
Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr. in Sherlock Holmes)
Holmes, you’re constantly dragging me along with you on your crazy adventures, and maybe somewhere deep down I actually enjoy it, but only sometimes. I have a life as well, you know. Also, between the bickering and you forgetting to throw me a bloody bachelor party, we both know you’d make a crap best friend.
Steve Stifler (Seann William Scott in The American Pie series)
I get it, the feel good ending leaves everyone second-guessing their initial opinion of Stifler. However, let’s be real here, he’s just not best friend material. He’s the pal you call up on a Friday night and the buddy you love to have fun with, but when one puts their southern regions before their friends, one tends to lose their status as “best friend”. Don’t worry, Stifmeister, I’ll still totally hook you up with my sister’s friend. After all, I said you weren’t best friend material; I never said I didn’t love you.
Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey in Dumb & Dumber)
Ok, before you jump down my throat here, think of how you would feel if Lloyd was YOUR best friend. He would have slept with your girlfriend, almost had you arrested, almost had you killed, made you wear powder blue, he ruined your shot at making a living off oiling up models, and he takes advantage of blind kids! Lloyd Christmas is not only the “Dumber” of the two, but is by far THE dumbest individual.
Walter Sobchack (John Goodman in The Big Lebowski)
Homeboy pulls a gun on a friend due to a suspicion of cheating… in BOWLING! Walter, your schemes are shit and your logic for why you do half the things you do are lacking in substance and you seem to think that you’re a lot smarter than you actually are. Though, to quote The Dude, “You’re not wrong, Walter. You’re just an asshole”.
Trent (Vince Vaughn in Swingers)
I appreciate the idea of you taking me under your wing when I’m vulnerable, Trent, but if you’re going to overshadow me, try and make me out to be someone I’m not, throw me into a lifestyle that I’ve never known and then proceed to lose all my money, we just cannot be best pals. Sorry dude, you just don’t make the cut.
Scabbers / Peter Pettigrew (Timothy Spall in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)
First off, you’re a rat. That’s weird. Secondly, you’re ACTUALLY A DUDE. And not like “you have testicles”, but like you are actually a man. A human male. We’re supposed to be best friends and minor details like the fact that you are a totally different species is just one of the many things one would usually tell a best mate. Why all the lies, bro?